The Bladeless Swiss Army Non-Knife Shows Us The Future of Gun Control

by Vern Evans
What’s a Swiss Army knife without the knife?

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When someone calls for “common sense” or “reasonable” gun control laws, the counter-argument is usually that such “reasonable” laws won’t remain reasonable. The “common sense, reasonable” answer to that is gun people are being paranoid, and that the use of a slippery slope argument is, all by itself, enough to show that we’re using fallacious thinking.

But, if you’ve even read the Wikipedia entry on the slippery slope argument, even it points out that a slippery slope is only fallacious when you can’t draw a logical connection of some kind to prove that the slope or a reasonable chance of a slope exists. Examples of whole countries that have fallen down this slope are numerous and well-documented, as are statements from gun control activists indicating that they want that outcome to a cheering crowd.

But, today, we’re seeing a new low on the bottom of that slope. Certainly, you’d think, even if guns were banned and even if dangerous knives were banned, you’d still be able to carry a small utility knife in case you need it for honest, nonviolent uses, right?

Sadly, there are now enough countries where even possessing a small utility blade or pocketknife is too much so that now Victorinox (the maker of the famous Swiss Army Knife) will soon be offering a defanged and declawed version of the knife.

For those unfamiliar, the Swiss Army Knife is not only a product you can buy, but a metaphor in the English language. Instead of only offering a blade and maybe a second different blade, a Swiss Army Knife offers an array of tools for you to fold out and use. The knife part is the most common, but there are also often saws, can openers, scissors, a magnifying glass, a screwdriver (or several), a leather punch and a number of other tools. I’ve even seen them or generics with a digital display, compass, eating utensils, and laser pointers built in!

The blades on a Swiss Army Knife were never very big. They were typically only 2 to 3 inches long at most. They were also too flimsy to serve as a reliable weapon in most cases, and don’t typically lock open. Plus, when you get a Swiss Army knife out, finding the actual knife is a bit like finding the right bill in your wallet, adding extra time to deployment.

In other words, a Swiss Army Knife can be a useful and awesome tool, a conversation piece, an ego-stroke for a wannabe-MacGyver, a survival lifeline and much more. But, it’s a lousy weapon because they were never made to act in that role. Before the ninnification of America after 9/11, they were even allowed on aircraft!

This isn’t “common sense” enough for the hoplophobes, though. When countries that banned guns years or decades ago experience a “plague of knife crime”, there’s no blade too small, too useless or too impotent to escape the clutches of the weapon grabbers. Victorinox still wants to make money in every country it can, so the company was left with little choice but to make some without a blade to stay afloat.

So, when some effete anti-gun turd tells you that they only want “common sense” this or “reasonable” that, point this out and let them know that they’re being either ignorant or dishonest, because a knife without, well, a knife, is neither reasonable or common sense.

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